Funny Videos

For those of you who do not get on facebook, here are Josh's recent videos. He is my son, but I think he is hilarious.

The first video is of his magic trick. We were sitting at Melissa's table eating grapes when he suddenly did this trick for me. At first I was confused what he was doing but when he pulled his hand out and gasped I just about died laughing. I don't know where he got it but I love it. I love it when he comes up with things like this. It helps me remember that he is still as creative as other kids.

The second one he did get some help learning. We watched Allan and Stacy's for about a week awhile ago. Pax and Wyatt had a good time chasing the kids around like zombies. Next thing I know, Josh has his own zombie impression. The great thing is that he has no real idea of what happens when a zombie catches you. Normally once he catches someone he suddenly turns into a ninja and tries to karate chop them. So, as you see in the movie, he has no idea that zombies are scary.

So this is my son. Funny, creative, expressive. I just love the faces he pulls. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Hurts so good

Chantelle waxed my arms, face, and arm pits today so I can be ready for Vegas this weekend. Arms and face, no big deal. It doesn't hurt really and I love the results. Arm pits? Those are a different story. Usually I try to not have Josh with me so he doesn't hear my gasps of pain as my nerves scream at me for being so cruel. If you have never gotten your arm pits waxed you wouldn't understand. The first time went a little like this: Chantelle rips off the strip with a huge tearing sound. I say, "It wasn't that....ARGH!!!" My nerve endings literally could not believe what I had just done to them. They sat there like, "Did she just?...No...Holy crap, she did, quick tell the brain." Then horrifying pain.

But today there was no getting around it. Josh was going to witness the joyous event. He got bored with the arms and the face but somehow he sensed a change in the air when I was getting ready to do my pits. He wants to watch, no, not watch, he wants to soak in every terrifying detail. He had his face so close to my arm pit I thought he was going to get his cheek stuck on the wax. Finally we convinced him he needed to be on the other side to hold my hand.

He held my hand, patting my arm and whispering in a soft calming tone. I was looking at him and the second Chantelle ripped my face must have given away the spectacular things going on on the other side of the table because in one moment he was whispering sweet nothings and the next he was on the other side of the table, eyes wide looking like he just saw the worst and best thing in his life. He was sweet enough to sign "Stop" to Chantelle but his hands said stop and his face said, "That was awesome, again!"

Luckily, this time I didn't bleed too much. Josh think: horrific pain?= okay, tiny scratch with blood? = death. He continued to be fascinated with what Chantelle was doing and in between whispering "ow" he insisted that she stop "cutting" me with tweezers while she plucked the stragglers.

Ah, adventures of the summer are beginning already.

Left to Tell

This last week I read an amazing book that I have not been able to shake from my mind. It is called "Left to Tell" by Immaculee Ilibagiza. It is the true story of a woman who lives through the Rwandan Holocaust and finds it in her heart to forgive the people who slaughtered her people and brutally murdered her family. http://www.lefttotell.com/

This book made me ugly cry...a lot. I tried to compose myself but I couldn't uncrumple my face or slow my gasping sobs. I cried for her, I cried for her family, for the Tutsis, for the lost childhoods on both sides, for the hatred that grew so easily, for humankind and how easily everyday people can become monsters. I would like to say I have stopped crying (since it has been 4 days since I read the end of the book) but I haven't.

Who am I? Am I the kind of person who could kill my neighbor given such circumstances? Am I the person who would survive but have hatred in my heart? Could I, like Immaculee, forgive after I knew the horror of my family's last breaths? Would I die, facing my attackers with courage and even poise while facing a horrific death?

I don't know if I could forgive. I wish I could say that I could.

Since going to college, in many of my classes we have touched on the subject of everyday people becoming monsters when the right situation arose. College students who continued to press the button that they believed shocked a person in a neighboring room even though they heard shrieks of pain, cries for mercy, and eventually silence because an authority figure told them to. Studies with college students who were made "prison officers" of other college students who were playing the part of "prisoners" that had to be cut short because it began to have scary similarities to Guantanamo Bay after 2 weeks. And so many more. And now this book where people kill their neighbors and friends...why?, because they are of a different tribe, because they are scared, because their government told them to, because they listened to enough evil that they began to become evil themselves?

I said it in class and I say it now. I will not be a follower who blindly does what I am told. I have a brain and it is a pretty good one. I will use it. I will find courage to stand up for what I believe even when it is an unpopular belief. I may not be as strong as Immaculee, I may not be able to forgive the way she did, but I can remember what following blindly can do and I can find the courage to know when to go against what I am told.

Holla' Holland!

Welcome to Holland

by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

For years I have known my plane landed in Holland. For four years Josh has done so well (for Josh) that I have been able to pretend that maybe at some point, someone would tap me on the shoulder and say, "Hey, what are you doing here? You are supposed to be in Italy." and hand me my ticket. Maybe if I worked hard enough while in Holland, maybe if I did everything right, maybe.....

There were even times that, in a Don Quixote moment, I saw windmills and thought they might be the leaning tower of Pisa.

But alas, I have been disillusioned. My son will never speak. I am never leaving Holland. And that is okay. It can be rather beautiful.

Whoo-hoo!!

I have spent the last 2 or 3 weeks convincing myself that I will be fine if I don't get into the OT program at U of U this year. I would give extra attention to Josh and his therapy and I would get a job. Things would be great. Then I got an e-mail....THE email. U of U wants me to interview!!! Now this doesn't mean that I am definitely in but it means I am 1/2 way there.

The interview is an all day event on March 4. I am super excited and kind of freaking out but it is going to be awesome!

Where has all the time gone?

Ah, home from school. Go pee. See Tyler, talk with him, give him a kiss goodbye. Settle down with BioMed, a pen, and index cards. Quick, only 1/2 an hour before Josh gets home!!

Wait! Was that the bus? Go check...nope. Back to taking notes.

I hear a bus! Run! Wrong bus. Back to taking notes.

Crap!! The bus driver is honking at me because they are tired of waiting for me. Run! So excited to see my little boy. Apologize to bus driver.

Inside, ask Josh about his day. Guess what he might have done while he shakes his head yes or no. Wish he could tell me stories about his friends.

Tell Josh he needs to go play so mommy can study a bit more. Study, study, take notes.

(from upstairs) "MAMA!" "You have to come down stairs to talk with Mom." "MAMA!" (clomp, clomp, clomp)

"MAMA!" "How do we talk to Mama?" "mama" "You want me to put on your cape?" (shakes head yes) "-s-s-s-Superman or b-b-b-b-Batman?" "GA!" "S-S-S-S-uperman or B-B-B-B-B-B-atman?" (shakes head yes on Batman) Instruct Josh how to put lips together and make the "B" sound. "Ba!" Put on Batman cape and go back to studying.

Repeat cape fiasco.

And Again.

30 minutes, only 2 pages down.

Lunch.

Clean up lunch and house.

Try to study.

Tell Josh to get out of the kitchen and not play with kitchen utensils. (from front room) CLANK CLANK CLANK! "Bring back the spoons! Get out of the front room, it isn't a playroom!"

(Josh comes in with books and throws them on my BioMed book). Read books. Read more books.

Feel like bad mom, go play with Josh.

Put Josh in my bed for movie time.

Quick! Study like a mad woman!!

Josh comes back up. Whew! Just finished!...BioMed...still have Medical Terminology, Anthropology and/or Theatre.

House is a wreck again, dinner needs to be made. Can't find any spoons to make dinner, decide to clean instead. Find all spoons in front room.

Make dinner, eat, clean up.

Ah...the internet.

Ugh...

So I never really saw myself as a procrastinator but I suppose I must be. I begged to see my academic advisor for over a month before I saw her in December. By that time, Christmas was upon us. She did not strike the fear of not making it in time to me so as Christmas stuff filled my days I didn't worry about figuring out OT school stuff.

Now here it is, I look up the information I need and deadline...January 15....crap. Alright, I have time. I have done my observation hours, I have people who will be my references, I have the grades, all is well...

Except the GRE. I haven't taken it yet! And moreover, it costs 300+ dollars!! And it takes 3-4 weeks for the official results to get to the school!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!

So here I am, I have just paid $45 to apply for U of U, I need to go buy my transcript, not sure how much that is, to send over to them. I will need to pay OTCA $125 to apply for the OT program. And then after all of that I have to pay someone ridiculous amounts of money to take the stupid GRE and even then, they won't get it on time. (Oh yeah, and I haven't bought books for this semester)

I called the OT academic advisor and she said either way it is a gamble but if I take the GRE asap, they might get it (albeit late) and still consider me.

I am freaking out. I have filled most everything out online, I have gotten mostly completed with everything, it is just that test. So I suppose I will take the gamble. I guess I will spend the money and try. I don't want to waste a year. I want to finish this.

*sigh* My brain hurts.