I 'yam what I 'yam because of 'yAmber

I love Christmas. Of course my mother always made Christmas fun when I was a kid. If you know my mom you know it is true. We made ornaments, and candy, cookies (don't forget to decorate them!), fudge, reading all the stories and watching the movies, we saw the lights, decorated gingerbread houses, EVERYTHING!

But I have to say, that Christmas is what it is to me because of my sister Amber. The Christmas after I got my first job, we decided to combine our money with our brother, and buy presents for everyone in the family. And not just one present, but 3 presents per family member (which if you recall is quite a feat since there are so many of us).

For at least a month, we would all go shopping together. Amber would blast the Christmas music and we would all sing (mostly badly). Snow? 1,000,000 shoppers? No problem. We made an effort to say "Merry Christmas" to everyone we made contact with. We welcomed the crowds and the lines. That made it all the more special when we got the perfect gift. We made sure that we had money to give to every bell ringer and a smile for anyone out that day.

We would laugh as we wrapped presents and then (at least what seemed like many nights) she would read Christmas stories of giving, love, and family out loud to us. Most years, we would give to Sub for Santa too.

Christmas was always a time of laughter, love, giving, some crying (you know stuff like that "Christmas shoes" song get you too), and fun. Now my sweet sister lives many states away but this time of year will always make me think of those times and how they have shaped Christmas for me. It will always feel like a time of giving (even without money), a time of family (even when they move away), and a time of love. Thanks Amber.

Surgery

Wednesday Josh had a gastroc soleal fascia release. Essentially, there is a tough membrane (fascia) around all of your muscles, the surgeon goes in and cuts the fascia around his calf muscles. The idea is that will release some of the tension on his muscles and he will be able to flex his foot (toes to the ceiling), which he has been unable to do for some time now.

We went to the hospital with plenty of time. All was going well. The waiting rooms are filled with fun toys so waiting is never a big concern.

The nurse wanted to know if Josh has a problem with anxiety or if he has a problem being taken into surgery without me. Uh, yes, he will probably kick and scream if past experiences can predict future ones. So they recommended Versed, an anti anxiety medication that will help him relax. "About 5 minutes after we give it to him he will become clumsy, he will have trouble walking or doing any coordinated movement (sounds like the usual) so you will have to hold him." No big deal, sure!

They give it to him. 5 minutes later, a very different child appears. He becomes restless, no more than restless, he becomes manic. He is flinging his arms around and trying to JUMP off my lap. It is everything I can do to just hold onto the kid. A very different boy than they told me to expect. Oh and this is fabulous, I just googled it to make sure I spelled it right and under side effects it says:

Some side effects can be serious. If your child experiences any of these symptoms, call his or her doctor immediately:

agitation

restlessness

uncontrollable shaking of a part of the body

stiffening and jerking of the arms and legs

aggression

slow or irregular heartbeat

Great. Well, I suppose it is a good thing the doctor was right there. Maybe that is why they took him away so fast....

Anyway, Josh did really well. He woke up and was kind of upset but alright after some pain meds, mom cuddles, and some cartoons. We got to come home on Wednesday.

He is doing awesome! He is happy for the most part and is good about taking his medicine even though he tells me it smells and tastes bad. He is a lucky little boy. My mom has brought fun projects for him to do every day. She has brought stamps, paints and ornaments to decorate, cookies along with frosting, sprinkles, and chocolate chips, and other great things. He has been loving it (which is great because with finals coming up, I try to study a lot of the day and I am not so fun).

The doctor said to wait a few days before putting weight on it but let him move at his own pace and he will walk when he wants to. Right now he is crawling around the room playing with toys and coloring in his new coloring books. I am slightly worried that he may try to pull a "I don't need to walk, I will just crawl until I get this thing off" (that is just the kind of kid he is, if it hurts and seems like trouble, I can make do doing something else type) but I will hold out hope and try to encourage some weight bearing this weekend.

It's beginning to look a lot like Chirstmas...

Josh made me a Christmas gift already. While I was at the Research Symposium, Josh kept stacking up his cereal. Tyler asked if he wanted to glue them on something.

Isn't he cute?

And here is a better picture of his creation. It has candy, cereal, buttons, a key and a picture of us.

We also decorated the house. Here is an advent calendar that Sharon got for Josh. He loves it but not because there is candy in it (there isn't) but because it is actually a festive war zone...duh.

As you can tell by the dead sheriff hanging out a window above Santa.

And a dead ninja dude (killed by either the nutcracker soldier guys or Pez Captain America. Oh and of course, what everyone is fighting for, the treasure in the little door!

I am not sure what exactly these guys are doing shoved into this little house but there were a lot of gun shots involved.

I have been using the "Santa is watching you" method of getting Josh to be good. The other day Tyler was joking around that he was going to break an ornament. Josh gets really serious and a little bossy, gets Tyler's attention and says, "HO!" then uses his entire hand to point at his eyes and then point at Tyler. Translation: "Dad, Santa is watching you!"

Unwind? Destress? Never heard of him.

Well I have to admit, most of the reason I am posting this is because I have time (which is a rare commodity nowadays) and I feel as though there is so much going on that I should let all you people know....but I don't feel like it. For over a week now, I may have time to get on Facebook or check up on blogs for a moment but when I try to post a new status...nothing. It feels as if nothing is important enough or perhaps just too much "work" to put it out into the world. I hope I am not the only one to have these times in life. But here goes:

Josh's doctors and therapists can't come to an agreement if he should be getting an ipad or an itouch so we will be going to a specialist on December 5th. This specialist will be able to tell us what Josh is capable of doing fine-motor wise and also what he can handle cognitively as far as a communication device and how that should be set up. It will be nice to finally get him a device. I can't wait to hear his thoughts. (I know that is still a long way off but a girl can dream right?)

So Josh is getting surgery on his leg on December 7th. He will be getting a gastroc-something to do with fascia-release (give me a break, I have a lot going on, I remember the important parts of the name). It gives similar results as a heel cord lengthening but it is not as extreme. The doctors are worried that his leg is too weak and if we over lengthen he won't be able to use his leg. The doctors expect him to start walking again between 4-10 days after surgery.

December 8th is my last official day of school and the beginning of my finals. The following Monday and Wednesday are also finals. Strangely, I am more worried about the test than I am about the fact that Josh will still be down from surgery. I am so lucky to have family that will help out whenever they can. Thank goodness we live so close and that they love Josh. This would be much harder without them.

The idea of the coming semester is killing me. Here I am with all of this end of semester stuff and my brain keeps going to January and saying, "How will you ever make this work?" I will have to stay late at least twice a week (5pm and 7pm) but on top of that I have fieldwork (a whole new world of scary) that I will need to fit in to my already busy week. I will have school every day as well. I am freaking out because Josh has so many doctor and therapist appointments...when will I take him? Starting in January we will need to be hitting PT and speech really hard, we still have OT, and his doctors are trying to work with us but we will need to take him in to see a doctor at least a few times in the semester if not more. Everyone else works and truly, since I have been doing this for so long, I am the one that knows how it all works. I am the one with all of the questions and knowing how and to talk to doctors and get answers. When other people go with me, they are normally lost.

To add to all of that, (or more likely, because of how I am already feeling) I have had a hard time not being envious of other people's situations. Especially Josh. Kids his age are so funny. I really feel left out not hearing his thoughts. That is why I posted those pictures of him. I try to remind myself that my son is still funny (he really is, you should see his impression of himself when he put on the treadmill too fast at our neighbor's house) and he still tells me his stories, I just have to try harder to hear them and interpret them. (Oh, and yes, my son is wearing his underwear backward so he can see the superheroes, and yes he has better abs than we will ever have, which actually is something we are in trouble for from the doctor because he is too skinny...)

All this stupid stress is giving me acid reflux. Which makes me have strange hiccups. And nausea. And lumps of acid in my throat. Which makes me stressed. No wonder I am crazy.

So there you have it people. This is my life right now. Probably no more crazy than yours, I am just letting it get to me. Geez, cowboy up right? Actually I do feel better.

Zombie Halloween 2011

LOL!! He looks like he is so upset about the chips!!

I never knew being a zombie could be so much fun!

Josh was so freaked out by Tyler he had to go to bed early. Strangely, he didn't act as if I looked strange at all. Not sure what that says about me.

This is part of a series of pictures we took that tell a story of Melissa being attacked at a party. This is the best picture. I want to crop it and frame it.

And this is how our confrontation ended, because as Melissa said, if there was a zombie apocalypse, she would of course have a shovel in the dining room.

Tasty baby!

So creepy.

Awwww! Cute family

I don't know why I didn't get pictures of Rick and Abby, they looked so amazing. I am sure they have pictures somewhere if you are interested...which you should be. And although you can't tell by the pictures, I swear there were more people there. I don't know why I didn't take pictures of more people.

So much fun on Halloween!

Getting ready for Halloween is one of my favorite things. This year I am even more excited because my amazing brother made the focal point of my costume and (like everything he makes) it is amazing. I am being a "steam punk" chick. And these are my goggles:

If you were paying attention, yes, that was a working light on it and on the other side are magnifying flip down thingys ( like on Toy Story 2 when the old guy fixes up Woody!). They are made with leather sewn with bronze wire. Yes, you can sing his praises now. He is the most amazing artist I know.

So to begin with (for parties etc.) I will be just plain steam punk but then for actual Halloween I will be a steam punk zombie. I need to be a zombie because Sharon is throwing a zombie party! All zombie themed and everyone must come as some one related to zombies. As "entertainment" (if you have seen me dance you know it is laughable) we will be doing a Thriller dance! I wish it was this one. But alas, we are all busy so it will be this one.

Josh is totally into the spirit as well. He has a Batman costume and a ninja costume and he wears them daily. I am hoping to talk him into being Batman because that costume fits over his braces better. Either way, he is adorable. Now I just have to figure out how to have him say "trick or treat" this year. Every year I have him sign it and everyone asks if he is deaf. Do I just give up and pretend that he is? Or do I find another way? A PECS picture maybe? That will confuse people really nicely. Maybe they will be so confused they won't ask. I would love to give him an easy way to do it. With signing, I have to be right there saying it for him or people don't know what he is saying. No matter what old people tend to think he is being rude. If he handed them a picture saying trick or treat they probably couldn't read it. I don't know. I just wish he could be more independent with it. I am open to suggestions!

This is going to be an awesome Halloween.

Crazy life

Its an old picture but I love it. It is so Josh.

So life is crazy. I am at school (or on the road there and back)for at least 10 1/2 hours a day for 4 days a week. I have an insane dissection lab that I love. What an opportunity to learn about anatomy in a hands on way. I find myself laughing every week as I read what we are going to do. Laughing in a nervous mildly insane way. After all when you read something like, "milk the rectum upwards before tying the string around it to minimize rectal leakage" or "today you will be sawing your body in half" you either laugh or cry...I laugh.

My classes are awesome. For Kinesiology, we learned all about torque. Then we learned about the correct way to wear a backpack to decrease torque on the lower back. We then worked a booth (Backpack Awareness) at the Utah Health Fair. So fun to use what we have learned in a real OT way and to help people learn how to wear their purses and bags to not hurt their backs/shoulders.

Hot Chelle Rae has a song called "Tonight, Tonight". The first month of school one line kept replaying in my mind, "I don't know if I'll make it, but watch how good I'll fake it". That is exactly how I have felt about school. Put on the smile, if you look like you know what you are doing they may not catch on that you are as lost as they are. Apparently it worked because other students began asking me to help them study. This past week we had our first round of tests and I can finally take a deep breath and know that I am going to make it.

We have had all sorts of craziness with Josh. He broke his elbow and wrist falling off the jungle gym at school. He had surgery to fix it and now it is in a cast. He is doing really well except at night. He can't sleep which is making him such a ray of sunshine during the day. He has started to become pretty ambidextrous, it is rather incredible.