Thursday, November 25, 2010

Amen Josh.

This morning I was reminded that my sweet son can say so much even though he can only speak 7 words.

Today I was excited to share a Thanksgiving tradition I have with Josh. Until this year, he has not been interested in the Macey's Thanksgiving Day Parade but I knew this year he would love it. But when I turned on the TV we still had ten minutes to go before it started. Okay, fine, we will watch the Today Show for ten minutes.

As we watched, they cut to one of their reporters in Afganistan. He was there with Marines. I tried to explain, "Those men and women are not with their families today. They are serving our country." Josh stared intently at the screen. Then said reverently, "Home". At first I was confused, why would he say that? "You want them to come home?" He nodded his head without taking his eyes off the screen.

He watched quietly, snuggled against me, eyes glued to the Marines so far from home. Then as the Marines waved to family, he blew kisses over and over.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. And (even though there are not many in the military who read my blog), a special thank you to all those who serve our country, from me and Josh.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Ungrateful?

I know I am supposed to be grateful this time of year. And I am for the most part. Is it wrong to want MORE? List of things Josh does I am thankful for:
The baclofen is working really well, therefore, we don't have to worry about his legs so much.
He started saying, "Home" last month. That means he now says mama, hot, home, go, boo, ho, ow...I think that is it. (He can't say "Da" anymore since he started saying home)
He can also say "bu" for book and "ma" for more if prompted and sometimes coached.
With coaching he can say the b, m, f, s, and p sounds
If I use the "In 5 minutes..." method, I can get him to do most things.
He knows that 5 is a big number and uses it by holding up his hand all the time.
He is beautiful.
He is sweet.
He wants to be my baby forever.
He can pick up his room now, although some days it takes a lot of fighting to get it done.
He likes to cuddle still.
He always wants to help, even when I don't want him to.
He sings Christmas songs with me in the car since I don't have a radio.
He is an adorable bowler.
There are so many reasons to be happy with him and I am. I just want more.
Maybe it is because his teachers are frustrated with his lack of progress.
Maybe I am jealous of how easily talking comes to other children. Maybe I am scared that by
going to school I am not being the mother I should be to him. I know all of these play a part in
the way I am feeling right now. But two things have happened recently to make me have that
ache for more.

I was telling Tyler what the teachers said about Josh and saying how worried I was about him and Tyler said, "Have you ever considered that Josh WON'T talk? Or that he won't talk in sentences like other people?" Of course I have considered this. I have tried to accept that possibility since he was 3 weeks old. But we have worked so hard. We have fought for his words. Having a reminder that no matter how hard we work it may not make a difference was hard to hear but it is true.

Then today I was talking to his speech therapist about how he lost "Da" in exchange for "home". She said something like, we will keep trying for it but he may never get it back. I have never had one of his doctors or therapists say something like that, at least not for years. It has been, we are so pleased, he is doing better than we could have ever expected, I think with hard work this kiddo will keep surprising us. So to hear someone say they didn't know if he could get back something as important as "da", that is rough.

And don't get me started on potty training.

*sigh* I know I shouldn't but I want more.