Unwind? Destress? Never heard of him.

Well I have to admit, most of the reason I am posting this is because I have time (which is a rare commodity nowadays) and I feel as though there is so much going on that I should let all you people know....but I don't feel like it. For over a week now, I may have time to get on Facebook or check up on blogs for a moment but when I try to post a new status...nothing. It feels as if nothing is important enough or perhaps just too much "work" to put it out into the world. I hope I am not the only one to have these times in life. But here goes:

Josh's doctors and therapists can't come to an agreement if he should be getting an ipad or an itouch so we will be going to a specialist on December 5th. This specialist will be able to tell us what Josh is capable of doing fine-motor wise and also what he can handle cognitively as far as a communication device and how that should be set up. It will be nice to finally get him a device. I can't wait to hear his thoughts. (I know that is still a long way off but a girl can dream right?)

So Josh is getting surgery on his leg on December 7th. He will be getting a gastroc-something to do with fascia-release (give me a break, I have a lot going on, I remember the important parts of the name). It gives similar results as a heel cord lengthening but it is not as extreme. The doctors are worried that his leg is too weak and if we over lengthen he won't be able to use his leg. The doctors expect him to start walking again between 4-10 days after surgery.

December 8th is my last official day of school and the beginning of my finals. The following Monday and Wednesday are also finals. Strangely, I am more worried about the test than I am about the fact that Josh will still be down from surgery. I am so lucky to have family that will help out whenever they can. Thank goodness we live so close and that they love Josh. This would be much harder without them.

The idea of the coming semester is killing me. Here I am with all of this end of semester stuff and my brain keeps going to January and saying, "How will you ever make this work?" I will have to stay late at least twice a week (5pm and 7pm) but on top of that I have fieldwork (a whole new world of scary) that I will need to fit in to my already busy week. I will have school every day as well. I am freaking out because Josh has so many doctor and therapist appointments...when will I take him? Starting in January we will need to be hitting PT and speech really hard, we still have OT, and his doctors are trying to work with us but we will need to take him in to see a doctor at least a few times in the semester if not more. Everyone else works and truly, since I have been doing this for so long, I am the one that knows how it all works. I am the one with all of the questions and knowing how and to talk to doctors and get answers. When other people go with me, they are normally lost.

To add to all of that, (or more likely, because of how I am already feeling) I have had a hard time not being envious of other people's situations. Especially Josh. Kids his age are so funny. I really feel left out not hearing his thoughts. That is why I posted those pictures of him. I try to remind myself that my son is still funny (he really is, you should see his impression of himself when he put on the treadmill too fast at our neighbor's house) and he still tells me his stories, I just have to try harder to hear them and interpret them. (Oh, and yes, my son is wearing his underwear backward so he can see the superheroes, and yes he has better abs than we will ever have, which actually is something we are in trouble for from the doctor because he is too skinny...)

All this stupid stress is giving me acid reflux. Which makes me have strange hiccups. And nausea. And lumps of acid in my throat. Which makes me stressed. No wonder I am crazy.

So there you have it people. This is my life right now. Probably no more crazy than yours, I am just letting it get to me. Geez, cowboy up right? Actually I do feel better.