How many nurses does it take to draw Josh's blood?

Four, and me. It is interesting because we have had to draw his blood at least once a year since he was born and almost every time the answer is his age plus one. If this trend continues I don't want to be a part of it after he turns 6.

Today has been insane. It was Josh's first day of school. He gets on the bus around 7:40 in the morning *blah*. Then I have to get to school soon after *blah some more*. Then I rushed from my school to his school to take him to a doctor appointment in SLC.

Can I just say I love Josh's pediatrician? He is fabulous. He gushes about how much he loves Josh. His last appointment of the day (at this clinic) is supposed to be 11:00 but he let us come in at 12:00 so I wouldn't miss school. He stayed with us for more than an hour without even looking at the clock. He was genuinely concerned about Josh and the best way to care for him. He finds us ways to get free services and even (hooray!) free diapers since Josh refuses to be potty trained. He orchestrates all of Josh's extra care so smoothly and seamlessly. I can count on him to get me into hard to see doctors. He suggests seeing specialists I didn't even know existed to best help Josh. Love.

So we have a wonderful talk and check up. Josh even enjoys himself until they pull out the needles. You can get kindergarten shots between 4-6 years old so I decided to get some of them done now and some done later and get it over with before kindergarten. Josh also needed some blood drawn for some tests (to see if there is a medical reason why the kid can't put on weight).

At first they only had 2 nurses come in. After Josh drew blood from one of them instead of the other way around (I am not kidding), they called for more back up. You should have seen it. So many nurses and one small skinny flailing child fighting for control.

We finally got everything done and I promised Josh we would get him some sort of kid's meal with a toy to make things better. First one we came to was Burger King. Go in and order, get food, start eating, find out Josh's toy is some stupid Moxie Girls thing. I take it to the front and hold it up. I asked the guy if he has a boy toy. Somehow, this guy doesn't realize I am talking about a kid's meal toy. Seriously. He starts talking and I realize he either thinks I am asking if he is gay or he thinks I am coming on to him...or both....which is weirder....

Long day. Strangely good day. I have a headache. I am SO ready to sleep. Gotta go make dinner though.

Trophy Night

Today was trophy night for Freedom Riders. Josh was in the last group of kids. We watched about 15 other kids get on horses and ride, show off what they can do, and then get a trophy. We weren't allowed to clap because one of the horses is afraid of clapping. Then they had to nix the microphone because another horse wasn't liking the way it sounded. It was a little hard to keep your attention on what was going on because of the kids running around and the lack of being able to hear what was going on but even with all of that it was pretty fun.

Josh couldn't wait to get back in the saddle. When his time came he went without even a whine or a whimper when he left my side. He had a great ride. He loved every minute of it. He played with the volunteers and waved at the audience. But the best part of all was when they gave him his trophy. It didn't matter that he had seen every other child get a trophy, it didn't matter that since he has only been there a year his trophy was smaller than some of the other kids'. They handed him a golden trophy with a horse on top and a look of surprise and joy filled his face. He squealed with joy and hugged it to his little chest. Then with a shout of victory he took the trophy in one hand and raised it as high above his head as he could. He pumped his trophy up and down a few times. The grin on his face was so big I don't know how it fit on his little head. I could almost hear him say, "I won! I won!" He was certainly a champion today.

All of the volunteers were tickled with his reaction. I was told things like, "You need to find a way to keep him from getting him any cuter. Every time I see it I don't think it could be possible but he continues to get cuter." They gushed. I was so proud.

My mother once said that when she was first starting out she knew some mothers who sang their childrens' praises all the time, bragging incessantly. She also said that a few years later she realized she did the exact same thing. This is me knowing I am doing that same thing. I still think he is pretty awesome though.

The Zoo!

So this is totally late but that's okay. We had such a good time at the zoo this summer. The boys came with us and we have about a million pictures of the event because some crazy person handed my husband the camera. Okay not a million but about 115 but that was only a 3 hour zoo trip so pretty much every minute is covered. The bats were one of my favorite animals.

They were so darn cute cuddled together.

Of course, tigers were a big hit too. The mom had 3 babies but the babies were so big you couldn't tell who has who.

The carousel was a huge hit. The other boys sat on the inside so I don't have any good pictures of them actually on it but I am sure you can imagine them trying to conceal their delight but not quite covering it. You remember how it was when you started to get older and didn't want to admit how much you liked the carousel. Josh on the other hand, couldn't possibly conceal his happiness. He couldn't articulate his excitement but every time he saw everyone watching him he would snort and pinch his nose and laugh. He pointed and slapped his leg, squealing with delight. He pointed to his lion steed, stroking his mane. The lights, animals, movement, all of it delighted him to no end.

Well, I want to post pictures of the train and other animals the boys liked but for some reason it won't let me so maybe another time.

Summer has been awesome.

This has been one of the most fun summers I have had in a long time. Tyler and I went to Vegas, me and my family went to the cabin. We have gone to tons of fireworks, swam countless times, went to BBQs, and saw a few good movies. We went to Willards Bay, the zoo, and parades. We (all the nephews and Kysa) had a magic show put on for us by my good friend Tyson. We have been taking Josh to Freedom Riders once a week. We have been to the rodeo. We have seen family including Carrie, Sabre, Bekkie, Joey, Trevor and Gavin. Anything and everything I have seen that is free I have dragged Josh along to not sure how he would like it. My weeks are full and we are still planning to go to the Weber County Fair and probably the zoo a few more times not to mention that Josh's birthday is coming up.

I don't want it to end yet. I can't seem to make up my mind with classes. School feels like it is looming over me and I am just not ready yet. Summer, please stay a while longer.

One of those days I am not so tough.

Today was one of those days I was not so tough. These days seem to be Sundays more and more. Josh will not go to Primary without me. I have forced him to take baby steps. He isn't allowed on my lap and I try to have a chair in between us at least for some of the time.

The poor teacher was supposed to be released 3 months ago and she has not had a second teacher to help her since at least April. She takes care of the other kids while I wrangle Josh. I wish I could say, I will sit next to him but I am going to ignore him in the hopes that you guys will take over and get him to understand that you are here for him, not me. Yeah, not going to happen.

Josh will go with other people that he knows. Chantelle has been with him and Melissa has come before too. Josh is just fine. He just won't go without someone he trusts. I understand. He seems to know that without us he is a fish out of water. No one understands what he wants or what he is doing. I think that they could understand if they took the time to really know him. Not that it is their fault because it isn't.

Anyway, Josh wiggled through Primary. He did sing which is good, he normally doesn't. But his singing got stares from all 3 of the substitute teachers as well as most of the kids. *Sigh* I know the Primary Presidency keeps telling me no one is judging me but it can be a hard feeling to shake.

Josh normally goes to class without me. The smaller room with fewer children makes it easier for him to concentrate. The teacher works more with the class as well (if the kids are wiggly she can tweek her lesson so they can move around, etc). But not today. He stood on one side of the classroom door, screaming his lungs out while he shook the doorknob. I stood on the other side of the door crying. Parents in the hall would stop and say things like, "Is it his first time going alone?" or, "It wouldn't hurt if you just went in and let him sit on your lap." I wanted to scream, "BUT I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 7 MONTHS!!" We aren't visitors. I can't have him take a step back because we have barely taken a step forward.

So I cried until the teacher gave up and opened the door. Then I found the Primary Presidency and told them I need them to find Josh a "helper". Someone who will take him to Primary and sometimes to class. Someone who understands what he wants and has the time to be patient, time to take him to time out when he gets too disruptive, without worrying about the rest of the kids.

They seemed to understand that I have done my best but when I am breaking down almost every week it is getting to be too much for me. They did say some things that made me feel frustrated and flustered but I was already crying so I imagine that even if I was speaking to myself I would be mildly hurt by the words. But they are going to do their best to get Josh a helper.

I don't know what is going to happen but something has to change. I have done all I can. Hopefully within the next month or two going to church will be fun again.

Cabins!!

I love our cabin. My sister once wrote an essay about them, she said that the air smelled like freedom. I always think of that as we make our way into the canyon. As we get closer the air changes. It isn't just the pine trees or the lake or the wild mint....it is freedom. Freedom from cares, phones, staring strangers. Freedom from make up, from feeling self conscious, from being ruled by the clock. This year was no different.

I am so happy to have my family. I can imagine some people going nuts at our cabin. There is only one bedroom, a largeish open family room/dining room/front room, two bathrooms and a loft. Getting away from each other is impossible. I love that there are no electronics to get in the way of us enjoying each other. In the last week I read 4 books, played countless games, went on some breath taking walks/hikes, caught one snake, and ate without worrying about calories.

I loved every moment and I am tempted to give everyone a play by play but since you would all stop reading here are the most important parts:

Best book read: Hunger Games. Seriously couldn't put it down or stop thinking about it. I am still thinking about it. Basic idea, 24 kids from ages 12-18 are put into a huge arena to fight to the death. Only one can live. Whole country forced to watch and treat it like a holiday. Characters you love and situations you can't get to leave your mind. Loved it, can't wait to read more from this author.

Most Ironic Photo:

This is the spot we like to call the "Litter bowl" or the Dump. One of my uncles has used it for his own personal dumping spot for ages (he is now 92 so it has been some time). We go to remind ourselves of what could happen and how beauty can be changed into sadness if we just dump our stuff anywhere. Sure enough the top layer was new this year and right on the edge of the bowl was a book: American Dreams.

Favorite moment: We were walking home from the dump when it started to rain. The sun was shining brightly, the air was warm and the rain... I can't remember the last time I just experienced rain. Felt it hit my skin and roll down. Allowed myself to fully live the rain without worrying about my make up or hair or Josh (he doesn't like to play in rain yet but he was @ the cabin with my mom). As I smelled and felt and tasted the rain, I watched as Paxton went bounding through the grass toward the cabin. The grass was as high as his hips, the sun glinted off the rain so he was just a shadow, rain so thick you could barely make out scenery behind him. Suddenly he was going down, his feet flew over him and then he was gone, all that was left was grass, rain and his laughter.

Best Game: I taught Trevor, Christina and Paxton how to play ERS. SO MUCH FUN!

I hope they will keep playing and love this game as much as I do.

I don't know what category this would go under but it was so cute I have tell you. I went into the bedroom for my book when I heard something. Someone was singing in the shower. I could hear Paxton's voice above the water,

"I love the mountains

I love the rolling hills
I love the flowers
I love the daffodils
I love the fireside
When all the lights are low
Boom-dee-a-da, boom-dee-a-da, boom-dee-a-da, boom-dee a da..."

I couldn't agree more Paxton.

Freedom Riders!

Freedom Riders is a program for children with disabilities to ride horses. I have been trying to get Josh a place in it for a year. The problem is that once a kid is in he is in until he either turns 18, moves away or passes away. Most of the kids right now are between 7 and 13. So I was going to have to wait at least a few years. Chantelle, Jeremy and Christina all volunteer for them.

If you know Chantelle, you know she has the knack for knowing just the right time for everything. If I am having a bad day (even when no one knows) Chantelle calls. If I am trying solve a transportation problem, Chantelle shows up. And now she came through again.

Patty (woman in charge) says that she had just decided to give up on this boy who was supposed to be coming. He had not shown up all summer and none of her calls had been returned. Patty had just decided that she would replace him next year when Chantelle asked yet again about Josh joining. So Josh got in.

So how do I get there you might ask? I don't have a car. No, but Chantelle comes through again. She and Jeremy go separately. She brings me and Josh and then allows us to drive her car home. She is pretty much the best. I love her.

So today was Josh's first day. I was nervous. He had to get on a huge animal without me. He was not sure about it at first. They had to pry his arms from around Chantelle to get him on the saddle. He cried at first but as soon as they began walking he smiled. He was so proud of himself. He held the reigns, he waved, he threw the bean bags when told. Half an hour has never passed so fast.

I have a million things to say about Freedom Riders so I am sure I will write more another time. This is going to be such a good thing for Josh's independence. Thanks Chantelle.